My Ad-mares on TV

Whenever I switch on the TV to grab some ENTERTAINMENT, I’m bewildered to know that I have come across great revelations about male and female bodies. Every second ad is trying to tell me how I or females at my home, especially young, can become better, succeed in life & have better life partners (short or long term not specified) by buying and using the products shown, regularly. Yes guaranteed!

 Lemme tell ya, your skin color, ya, your skin color is the basic determining factor in your success! Believe me! The miraculous skin whitening cream COMES TO YOUR RESCUE, when a reluctant daughter don’t want to get married, uses the cream and succeeds in getting a promotion or better job something to COMPETE WITH the groom prescribed by her father & she wins 3 years of time, not to get married.

Yami Gautam and Elena Dcruz has confirmed that the same skin whitening product again miraculously helps you get the most flawless skin ever. (God knows for what!)

Then, Shahrukh, the great, came and told me that I would really look handsome if I’m fair. Not to disobey the great Khan I did buy a pack of his product and applied thoroughly for more than a week. The great Khan failed me. So did Varun Dhawan (Shdn’t have trusted that kid), but also John Abraham!

I tried to apply a few deodorants, including the one which doesn’t fade away (tell you, hiding from my wife). Alas, not a single gal talked to me and said that she would sleep with me because I smell good. And no kid or infant ever cried when I sat next to them just because I don’t smell good. And ya, lastly I tried to engage in some kinky activity like climbing on the gal, but was thrown out. Shit man. Is attracting women so hard? I’m using the products also as shown on TV! Now I’m slowly beginning to believe (even post marriage) that the only reason for my existence is to woo women easily by applying products shown on TV.

So is the importance of the colour of your hair. Naturally Black haired gals look like aliens these days you know. They are down-trodden, orthodox and mediocre. So select a plethora of colour and try them till your hair are white. And post that try them BECAUSE your hair are white. Please consult Aishwarya Rai for this.

And mind you all the girls, your hair should either be straight, very straight, like the one of a horse/pony tail or they should be curly. Wavy natural hair won't get you success! And you should use a plethora of shampoos for that depending on which icon you adore! I'm happy, my wife has ultra straight hair by default. So does my mom. Huh, don’t take it lightly , you save thousands in a year by having such a great asset.

Next your lips should, these days be colorful. Like 2 different colors. One for the upper one and other for the lower. That would confirm that you are the most brilliant dumbo in the world, especially at your workplace! Confirmed by Kareena Kapoor! (I know most of you like her curves and aspire to have them)

Also mind you, if you don't apply sunscreen, the SUN will burn you to hell! By just doing the graceful act of repelling the sun and keeping its rays at bay you would claim any success on the street! (See you are street smart).

Oh, yes I forgot about the armpits. The only thing which is show-able in your body and is to be taken extreme care of is your armpits! Apply all the things shown on the TV to take care of them, else you don't stand a chance to succeed.

Finally, your sanitary pad guarantees you success. Throw off your engagement ring, compete with the man of yours, be like him under the pretext of STANDING ON YOUR OWN FEET (He stand on his knees and is begging to get you as if he is choice-less,) and wear that sanitary pad(Please don't forget, else Priyanka Chopra would be highly disappointed) and pave your way to success. Sometimes I’m scared these ad men will influence masses to announce the brand they are wearing. Status quo, you know!

And ya not to forget, please keep the toilet freshener (you know the name), lest you want that gossiping aunty to tell everyone, how shabby and manner-less you are! Mind it.